One score and eight years ago, our founding father brought forth on this continent a new Broheim, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal-- but that some women are created more equal than others. Sorry, Angelina Jolie.
My brother Dan has never found you that attractive. But if Uma Thurman happens to be in the audience, please call me.
I may be able to arrange something for you two.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, or something ..... unless Bush was lying .... which, come to think of it, is not only very possible but EXTREMELY LIKELY. Whatev. Now we are engaged in a great civil party, testing whether one man, my brodey Dan, or any man so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure without the benefits of Uma Thurman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz, or any other appropriately breathtaking tall blonde with about $10 million dollars in the bank and the inexplicable need for rare, probably illegal pleasures. Ladies and women, we are met on a great battle-field of that war. But not war exactly. More like, "the great floor of an outdated Zurich disco." The point is that we have come to dedicate a portion of that Disco, as a final resting place for those who here--- and I'm thinking of Dan very particularly --- who want to give their lives or even just bodies to a pretty cool dude that this nation might be a better, cooler, altogether more awesome place. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, is it not?
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- Danny Boy. We are his Bros. That would be gay and weird and what not. Uma Thurman, Heather Graham, Cate Blanchett, et cetera, that's where you come in. The brave women, living and dead, who struggled here, on many long nights throughout the 70s and early 80s, have consecrated this fine dance floor, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what Dan would like to do here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored ladies we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these women shall not have come to this creepy vestige of the Bee Gees in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. And that Dan may have a really cool birthday. Shots!
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, or something ..... unless Bush was lying .... which, come to think of it, is not only very possible but EXTREMELY LIKELY. Whatev. Now we are engaged in a great civil party, testing whether one man, my brodey Dan, or any man so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure without the benefits of Uma Thurman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz, or any other appropriately breathtaking tall blonde with about $10 million dollars in the bank and the inexplicable need for rare, probably illegal pleasures. Ladies and women, we are met on a great battle-field of that war. But not war exactly. More like, "the great floor of an outdated Zurich disco." The point is that we have come to dedicate a portion of that Disco, as a final resting place for those who here--- and I'm thinking of Dan very particularly --- who want to give their lives or even just bodies to a pretty cool dude that this nation might be a better, cooler, altogether more awesome place. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, is it not?
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- Danny Boy. We are his Bros. That would be gay and weird and what not. Uma Thurman, Heather Graham, Cate Blanchett, et cetera, that's where you come in. The brave women, living and dead, who struggled here, on many long nights throughout the 70s and early 80s, have consecrated this fine dance floor, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what Dan would like to do here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored ladies we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these women shall not have come to this creepy vestige of the Bee Gees in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. And that Dan may have a really cool birthday. Shots!
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