Hill Aspecting No.1

He's standing on some blasted heath of a mountain top, mason jar in hand. You can smell his breath downwind - an admixture of rubbing alcohol and sulphur. The sun is setting over the Blue Ridge Mountains at what seems to be an impossible clip.

"Go on boy! It must be chow time. Look at 'im go." He takes a healthy slug of white lightning.

"What was I saying?"

"Hills" I venture a guess, trying my best to sift through the cataract of verbiage he dumped on me like a pot of cold baked beans.

"Yeah Hills...this shit is good try some of this shit it's as hot as the August sun and as cool as October my willowy yank."

"Hills. Right. As I was saying: I don't know how a human being can trust anything."

"Huh"

"Huh is right my doodle-dandy auditor. Hills don't create shade like trees, they create darkness. Vespasian loved the Visigoths truth be told, they were rough and ready farm boys, always good for a few yucks and really handy with a trowel, and they were super-men when it came to all of that hard shit like lifting bags of cement, and chopping wood. They cleared about 75 hills from Rome in order to make things like forums, bath-houses, mulsum taverns, you know - shit like that. Gibbon, excuse my language, is a little bit like you my swan-like, effete, northern patron-like guys who buys me moonshine. We're gonna need more, by the by." I nod. "So he wasn't an historian he was a piece of moist white bread and a pussy. And a retard. The VG's saw that this place was indefensible and with a wink and nod from ole'Vespasey (who never gave a shit about the soft cosmopolitan olive-eating, robe-wearing homoshack Rome) they seeded the fall of Rome. Them and the hills. Lead pipes my cold dead ass. No offense."

"None Taken"

"Compulsory education, TV, advertising, addiction, mental illness, plain old illness, the modern world, the increase in wickedness, the love of everyone growing cold, taxes, wage-slavery, devil worship, pollution. These are hills too you know. Hills create darkness. Not shade."

"Yeah, Doc?"

"Fucking shit right they are, lil'man. Woe to the man that cannot see tragedy on these slopes. Some can, some can't. It's dark in the valley now lil'dog."

The sun went down.